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Post by GreyEidolon on Jan 25, 2007 19:39:28 GMT -5
That is much, much better than a lot of the other things you've written, in my opinion. Seriously, you have improved even more than I expected, and I really liked it. Really one of the only things I think is wrong with this is what his father says, one line. "You'll never amount to anything..." is just a bit generic. But I'm impressed, really.
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jan 25, 2007 19:41:34 GMT -5
Thanks coming from you I know that means a lot. I'll try to live up to that every time I write. I look forward to your book by the way. When do you think you'll start it?
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Post by GreyEidolon on Jan 25, 2007 19:42:38 GMT -5
Well, I'm pretty inspired right now. You've actually coaxed some enthusiasm out of me
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jan 25, 2007 19:45:08 GMT -5
Yaaaay I've acomplished something. Woohooooo. Well I can't wait to read it. I know it will be awsome.
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Post by Dagothkitty on Jan 25, 2007 19:57:29 GMT -5
It was really good blood. Not much happened, but I like the depth of it. The grammar, was a little bad in the forst paragraogh. There is often repeating words, wrong homophones, and stuff to that extent, which was the worst, but Insn't bad at all. Well done!
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jan 25, 2007 19:59:00 GMT -5
Thank ya. Yeah I'm really bad with grammar. I won't lie. If I ever right for a living I'll just hire some guy to fix my crap lol.
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Post by Dagothkitty on Jan 25, 2007 20:02:10 GMT -5
And I see that I posted a lot of mispells in that post too. lol
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Post by Maliku on Jan 25, 2007 21:13:10 GMT -5
No in the first paragraph should be know. Otherwise, great story so far. It does show A LOT of improvement over your first story.
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jan 25, 2007 21:43:03 GMT -5
tell me about it. Well my first story was started a year ago. So I've had time to get better.
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Post by uesugi on Jan 25, 2007 21:59:05 GMT -5
Where => Were Speach => Speech All I noticed. Good story, and it flows well. Try to stay away from creating a generic father though, as (to be honest) it felt like Adlin's father has been seen many times before But other than that, I liked it, and hope to read more soon.
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jan 25, 2007 22:03:27 GMT -5
well I had to make him that way for a little "test" I guess you can say...lets just say aldin isn't gonna hold back his anger the next time he meets his father. Its kinda weird but the plot souts a magic hater. Well the soon to be plot.
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