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Post by kane on Oct 7, 2006 6:38:04 GMT -5
Vito Soto, a young Imperial explorer, awoke from his good night's sleep. He had slept at Warnet Inn, a cozy little Inn just outside the Imperial City. Soto did not own a home; he would travel around, staying wherever he could. On work-filled days such as this he would pay money to sleep at an inn. Soto pulled open the tattered, stained curtains to see the sun glaring in his eyes. The morning was beautiful, birds were singing and butterflies where fluttering about. The river was calm and the on the horizon a beautiful crystal ocean [no comma] met a fluffy, white clouded skyline. It really was a nice day to go hunting.
Soto was not really poor, however he did not [really shouldn't be repeated twice in one sentence] believe he needed riches. He was similar to Robin Hood, except instead of stealing from rich, he would find his treasures in the wilderness. Soto approached his cupboard and retrieved his gear from it. A shortsword, with a shining, stainless steel blade and an excellently crafted hilt, and a bow, which again looked to be expertly crafted. In fact, it looked rather similar to the sword in design. He placed them on a table and put on his leather armour. He dropped ten gold coins in the gold tray and left the room.
As Soto walked into the wilderness something in the distance caught his eye. He squinted in the sunlight, then raised his hand to his forehead to block out the sun. His smiling face metamorphosed into an austere visage. He made sure he had remembered his weapons and set off into the distance…
The reason for Sotos sudden actions was that in the distance he had seen two villains attacking a traveller. As he got closer he could make out the victim. It was Graham Vikway, The captain of the Imperial Watch! The two bandits where both dressed in black and cyan robes with matching hoods. The bigger of the two appeared to be about the size of a Nord, and was wielding what looked to be a warhammer. The smaller figure looked only about four foot eight. Soto suspected him to be a Wood Elf who was using a dagger. Soto approached the two figures silently, neither saw him… until it was too late. Soto drew his bow and readied an arrow. THWIP! The arrow settled right in the Nords’ skull. As the Nord turned to look out the shooter, he dropped to the floor. Soto then Unsheathed his sword. By the time the small Elf had noticed the Nord and turned around it was to late. Soto stabbed the elf. The blade pierced the elfs skin. Soto lifted his blade, it had gone in the Elf and out the other end. Soto had to place a foot on what remained of the elfs chest to pull his sword out. The two bandits, who had strange markings painted on their faces, laid slain on the floor.
Soto approached Vikway. “Are you hurt?” Vikway asked. “OF COURSE I AM HURT!” snapped Graham, showing his badly wounded arm, it had being cut open by the Elf. Soto also realised he had taken quite a smash to the back from the Nord. “I apologize for what I just said, I know you where the one who helped me and more than likely saved my life. I just have kindov a short fuse, ya know?” Soto simply nodded and lifted the man up, he took off some of his armour, which now was pretty much no use anyway because of the warhammer. Grahams legs where not injured, however he was a little shaky and what remained of the armour made him heavy. Soto put his arm around Grahams back and carried him towards the Imperial City.
“So what do you do with your life then? If it is not to personal to ask, that is…” Soto replied happy that he had asked, “Well, ever since I can remember I have being homeless, however I have always being skilled with a bow. This has allowed me to go on living and earning money. With just a bow and a handful of arrows I can make enough money I need and eat for about a week.” “Really?” replied Graham. “I know it is shocking, but unlike almost everybody nowadays, I do not need much money to live on. IF you think I do not have to buy food, shelter, or weapons.” “You do not buy your weapons?” Asked Graham, with a look of confusion on his face. “No; if I get attacked by bandits like you did, I take weapons from them. Also I am a good blacksmith. I made my sword and bow myself, and I make many of my arrows myself.” Graham looked at the weapons and gawped in amazement. “You are quite a handyman aren’t you?” “Yes, if I may say so myself!”
Soto arrived at the Imperial watch office, he took Graham in and looked around the office. There was a poster on the wall. The imperial Watch where looking for new recruits. He had being considering getting a job for a while now. He had being considering the Imperial Watch and the Fighters Guild. Of course there was always the chance that he could carry on living how he was. The second in command at the Impreial Watch place a heavy sack of coins into Sotos hand. “A small gift for saving my life!” Graham explained. Just then Graham coughed up blood, and the Imperial watch healer took him into a private room. Soto thought he should just leave for now, and he set off to the Imperial city market district. Perhaps today he would not be hunting after all.
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Post by kane on Oct 7, 2006 6:40:48 GMT -5
sorry about the parts in "[ ]" Just ignore them
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Post by kane on Oct 7, 2006 6:46:19 GMT -5
ps: More coming up and please comment!
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Post by Maliku on Oct 7, 2006 7:17:44 GMT -5
I liked it, I noticed a few repitition of words, but it was great. I would love to hear more.
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Post by dogonda on Oct 8, 2006 0:51:37 GMT -5
While good, i have gripes with how its narrated. I personally prefer it to be told through the character.
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Post by DEATH97 on Oct 8, 2006 5:50:39 GMT -5
This is a very nice story, but like Dagonda, I feel there is something off about the way the story develops. There are also alot of small spelling errors. Its minor, and nothing spell check shouldn't be able to fix. Also.. maybe this is just me, but there isn't really a plot in this story at all yet. I'm sure you have one, but some hint of that (I feel) at least should show up in the beginning of the story to keep the readers interested, and know there is more to come. Still its a very nice start, and these are minor things I'm mentioning. Story isn't bad at all, I just think there are things that could make it better. I will continue to watch this develop with much anticipation.
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Post by kane on Oct 9, 2006 12:13:02 GMT -5
Second part here, sorry for the delay! Computer problems.
I recomend reading part one again to remember how the story went. Part one is only short. Spelling errors are likely, I will not be perfectign it until the posting of the final version, sorry! But they shoild only be minor.
Soto browsed the shops of the Market district, he was not looking for anything in particular, he did nto really find shopping interesting. But if it payed off it had to be done, and shortly after receiving a sack of gold was the best time to do it. None of the shops really caught his eye. At least not until he walked past the one called Jensines Quality Merchandise. It had a huge variety of products on show. Soto entered the shop. The woman behind the till was very old, mid nineties perhaps? Soto heard the bell to the door ring, followed by a loud war cry. Sotos insinct caused him to turn around and draw his sword. It was one of the masked bandits again. "Who are you people?! Tell me who you are!" Demanded Vito Soto. His question fell on death ears, the hooded figure raised his head revealing an ugly, green, orcs face. The orc withdrew a battle axe and executed an overhead sweep dorected at Soto, who side stepped the blow. Instead the axe cut through Jensines desk, who let out an ear piercing scream whilst grabbing her heart; she then fell to the floor. Soto grabbed hold of the Orcs battle axe while he had the chance, then using one arm he elbowed the Orc in the face. The orc clutched his face and dropped the axe. Soto held his sword at the orcs neck. "WHO ARE YOU!?" "Our secrets shall never be revealed." The orc replied. The orc then dived into the blade, killing himself. Whoever he was, he wanted it a secret.
Soto walked out the shop, grabbing anything that would be of a help, seeing as Jensine wouldn't be seeing the merchandisie again. But to his shock, he saw a small battle raging outside. The hooded figures where fighting to the death with the Imperial watch, some where storming the headquarters, where Graham was being healed. There where about thrirty of them. Was this the full clan? What was this odd clan? Why are they doing this? Who are the members? Why did the orc member come for soto? Thousands of questions filled Sotos head. The fight was a close one. The clan obviously where mostly experienced. In the end the Imperial Watch managed to win, they had many casualties, but few deaths. The odd clan, many of whom ended up dead when about half of their group was killed or badly injured. Something was going on here. Soto knew it. However Soto had no reason to take action against this clan. He had no authority, he was just another person. So he decided to go visit his best friend, Vylker Wenson, a Dark elf who lived in Leyawin. He should spread the warning in case the problem was not known outside of the Imperial City.
Soto set off towards Leyawiin, he was in a short hurry. He really did not want any harm to befall Vylker. Soto followed the road to Leyawiin. It was about a four hour walk normally, however he was trying to cut it down to about three. When he finally arrived over the final hill, he noticed a cave through some bushes on the side of the road. Also from that general direction, shouts and grunts could be heard. As he inspected the area Soto noticed a Mage fighting off a group of Ogres.
Out of natural instinct Soto drew his Bow, ready to help. He pulled back on the string, and an Elven arrow dug itself deep in the flesh of an attacking ogre. There must have being about nine ogres. Soto wondered how the woman had survived for so long, however she was looking worn out. Soto equipped another arrow and shot it at another Ogre, however this ogre didn’t die. He alerted the rest of the family about Sotos presence. Soto drew his sword. Fast and furious swordplay, combined with a spike of adrenaline helped him take down another 3 ogres, but the remaining four was just too much. A fierce punch from the tallest Ogre knocked Soto down.
The Mage, who could not get up because of a lack of fatigue, pulled a scroll out from her trousers. She read the scroll with what she had left in her and a great bolt of Magic hit the dominant ogre, and it spread about thirty foot, affecting the rest of them. The mage reached in her pocket again, and threw to Soto a bottle of poison. Soto knew ogres had a weakness to poison, and the scroll the mage used must have been a weakness to poison scroll, making them even weaker. That would have explained how she put up a fight. Soto dabbed his shortsword in poison, and made strong thrusts with his sword, that went right into the ogres’ bodies. This left the ogres prone to one hit kills, and Soto managed to slay the remaining ogres.
Soto helped the mage up, who was an Argonian. “Thanks fer the ‘elp.” The Argonian said. “I am Sharkeeth, of the Mages guild, pleased to meet ya!” The Argonian said happily. She seemed a very nice woman. She described how she was one of the higher ranking members of the Mages guild and Leyawiins most famous person, besides the Countess of course. Sharkeeth explained how she was here to clear out ogres for the mages guild, because the area was a great spot for alchemical supplies, which the ogres were ruining. Sharkeeth walked with Soto into Leyawiin where they parted ways. “You ever need a ‘and with fighting or spells or anythin’, you jus’ get in touch wi’ me and I’ll see wha’ I can do!” The Argonian made her way to the Mages Guild. Soto set off to the small little huts to see Vylker.
Soto approached Vylkers door, he knocked at it three times, the hut was so poorly built it felt like it would fall down under the pressure of his gauntlets. The door opened and in its place stood a rather young, scraggy Dark elf. Vylker; like Soto, was dressed in leather armour and had a Bow with him, he also had a dagger, however, unlike Soto the dark elfs weapons seemed fairly poor quality. “Do come in, sit down, what is on your mind?” The Dunmer asked. “Well I was just wondering, some odd clan has being attacking the Imperial city, it is a very dangerous place to be now, and I have no reason to stay there anymore. All the businesses around there are closed, either because of the death of the owners, or because of the clans. I was just wondering if you had this problem here?” “Ah, yes, we have had them appearing in small numbers. Just the odd sighting you know. Here, it is in the latest edition of the black horse courier. There was a big attack on Anvil too. The guard believe this is because Imperial City and Anvil have the two best guards in Cyrodiil, the Imperial watch and the Anvil guard.” Explained Vylker. Soto picked up the Black horse courier and began to read. “Oh yes, it’s all here!”
Vylker and Soto had some dinner, whilst they ate Soto explained about the Imperial watch captain, Graham Vikway and the Argonian mage who he had helped. Vylker gave the news about him becoming a member of the Thieves guild, although he shouldn’t have; Vylker trusted Soto very well though.
“Say, Soto; are you still looking to make a big name for yourself?” asked Vylker. “Well, yes I am…” Soto replied “Well I think I may no a way for you to become famous throughout Cyrodiil, I am not certain, but I am pretty sure. Listen close!” Soto listened to what Vylker had to say…
more to come...
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Post by Dagothkitty on Oct 9, 2006 12:57:26 GMT -5
Feels like their is something missing. I think the clan you are talking about seems to be a little too much like the mythic dawn, which is a bit repetitive for me. I love the elder scrolls, and know much about it. Perhaps for those who haven't played oblivion much, they would love this. This story is far from being bad, it jus may not appeal too much to me. Not very creative so far. It does grab my attaention a lot though, and i want to see how the story ends. Good job though, you are a gifted writer
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Post by kane on Oct 9, 2006 13:03:59 GMT -5
Oh well, after looking at the boards i relised I am alot younger than you guys. I am only 14. This was originally giong to just be a short practise one. But it sortov got bigger. I will be creating a CYOA soon that will be much more original (at least than this). This was originally more just to test my writing skills.
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Post by Dagothkitty on Oct 9, 2006 13:32:29 GMT -5
i wanna see the end to this story though. age doesn't matter either, as one of our best writers, dagonda is 14. Also, why don't you register?
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Post by kane on Oct 9, 2006 13:52:32 GMT -5
Yes i will register shortly. The ending is pretty sucky, (this part is the ending by the way). I find endings and openings hard. I will likely create a CYOA soon. With a more original storyline.
“Listen close, two days ago, I saw an odd Altmer, she is new in town, and she is more than a bit strange.” “Where are you going with this?” Asked Soto, wondering what the point in that bit of information was. “Well, every night, at ten of the clock, she goes to an old abandoned house. She does it like clock work, in at ten, out at two in the morning. But the really odd thing is, every time she comes back, she is stained with blood.” Explained Vylker. “Go on…” Soto said, now interested. “Well, the thing is, she only started appearing at the same time as these odd clans. And I was wondering, perhaps there is a connection. My theory is backed up further more by the next part. After the first time I saw her covered in blood I was clearly shocked, so the next night, after she entered the house, I sent a guard in the house to check. He found nothing, not even the woman! There is more than likely a connection between her and the clan, don’t you think?” Questioned Vylker. “I think tonight I might tag along.” Soto said, with a look of excitement on his face, he always wanted to be famous. “I will come too! Just in case!” Exclaimed Vylker. Soto and Vylker prepared themselves and waited for the time to pass.
At Ten o’ clock, like Vylker said, the odd Altmer entered an old abandoned house, Soto waited for a minute before following in. As he entered the house a cold chill suddenly ran down his spine. He felt nervous, like he shouldn’t have been there, but he proceeded anyway. He upstairs and into the only room up their, and oddly there was nothing to be found. But as he turned around, something caught his eye. There was a glowing blue light emitting from a cupboard. Soto pulled it open and to his surprise he saw a portal! Where it led to he had no idea. Vylker behind Soto looked shocked. Soto stuck an arm through the portal, and then as soon as the arm was in, he was pulled through to the other side.
The Altmer had pulled him through, he was in an odd place. It looked like a huge cave. It had all sorts of odd plants growing inside of it however. The Altmer raised her hand, and placed it on Soto, who then collapsed…
When Soto awoke, he was behind bars, in a jail cell. Well it was actually more like a little indent in the cavern wall, with bars built in. Soto approached the bars, now scared. He had no idea how long he had been out for. He looked out the cell and saw one of the clan members guarding it. It seemed he had stumbled across there hideout. The guard was a Redguard, as soon as he noticed Soto, the Guard approached him. “Hehehehe, well… It’s been almost half a day. Ready to be sacrificed to the great Mehrunes Dagon?” Soto said nothing, was he really going to be sacrificed? Would his life really end here? “Get ready to be sacrificed, get anything you need now.” The guard shouted. As you would expect, his weapons and armour where taken from him, however, he was not going to give up easily. He looked around his cell, and then, in a corner, he saw a rock like substance. But its end was very, very sharp. Soto was not going to die without one hell of a fight.
The guard opened the cell and commanded soto to follow. It was at that moment, that he grabbed the Redguard around the neck and punctured his throat with the rock. Soto proceeded on up the corridor. After some stealthy exploring Soto came across a shrine. It was an odd one. “I am going to talk now with him. Please I wish to be alone.” Someone was coming! Soto ducked behind the first rock he saw. A Bosmer entered the room and approached the shrine. “Oh great Lord! I wish to speak with you!” “What is it you would like to tell me?” The voice came from no body, where was the voice coming from? Could it be a god? “It is time! We are ready to initiate the plan!” “ Good, eighty years ago, I was banished back to Oblivion by some Imperial filth. Oblivion gates became impossible to form in Tamriel, but soon… soon, I will be in Tamriel again!” “My amulet is ready. I can now open a huge gate from this world to Tamriel!” “I shall open the great gate from Oblivion to your world in one minute. Makes sure you have the gate from your world to Tamriel ready! If this goes well I shall grant you and your people the wish you request.” “Eternal life…” “My swarms of Daedra are ready, and so are the several siege machines. We are preparing to enter your world now.”
This was a disaster! Mehrunes Dagon, who was once banished back to Oblivion, has found away to get into Tamriel. By travelling through this world! Soto needed the Bosmers amulet. He needed it destroyed. He emerged from his hiding spot, and charged at the Bosmer. The Bosmer simply used a Burden spell on Soto and ran. Then right before Sotos very eys, A great gat from Oblivon rose, and daedra began pouring out of it,along with one of the siege machines mentioned. From a different part of the cavern the remaining members of the Clan came. Opposite the Oblivion gate the Bosmer created a gate to Tamriel. Soto looked doomed.
This was not the case, just seconds later Graham Vikroy emerged from the portal, he was with the Imperial watch as well! Vylker came too, he had an group of archers with him too! As if that wasn’t enough, Sharkeeth and an army of mages appeared. A furious battle began.
The mages instantly began spell casting on deadra, the Theif archers covered the backs of the fighters. Some Mages made it their business to act as a healer. And the Imperial Watch clashed weapons with the clans. Soto was safe for now, and as soon as the Burden effect wore off, he picked up a daedric dagger from a fallen Dremora, and fought for his life. He saw the Bosmer leader in the distance, casting insane spells. Soto charged in his direction, slashing enemies as he passed them. He took down about fifteen clan members, but had to stop when a Daedroth appeared. The Daedroth swiped, Soto leaped at the monster and planted his dagger in between the eyes. The Daedroth fell. Soto looked forward, the Bosmer was gone. Soto frantically ran around the area, dodging the spells and arrows in the chaos as he went. He looked to the floor, and saw the Bosmer, laid on the floor with an enchanted arrow in his chest, the enchantment caused severe bleeding, the Bosmer had died due to loss of blood. Soto took the Amulet. He ran towards the great portal to Tamriel. As he reached the portal he turned and looked at the battlefield. The clan where all gone, the Imperial watch had mostly been defeated, the thieves were long gone and the Mages where running out of Magic. Now the Daedra where the dominant force. There was a huge explosion, and the corpse of Graham Vikroy flew past Sotos head, and through the portal. Graham was out of the battlefield, but dead.
Soto still did not leave, he was desparate to find Vylker. It was not long before he was found, laying on the floor struggling for breath. He was certain to die soon. The pain he was going through was unbearable. He screamed out “KILLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEE!” Sure enough, to put him out of his misery, Soto did just that. The daedric dagger, was firmly stabbed into his heart, then removed. A tear ran down Sotos’ face. Soto had lost all that he cared about in here. It was time for him to leave. Soto entered the Portal and appeared in Tamriel.
Soto placed the Amulet around his neck, and stabbed the daedric dagger right through it, and through himself. He no longer had reason to live. He had lost everything, and he would never rest easy knowing he could have saved the lives of Graham and Vylker. The portals to the other world closed, and Sotos’ life, came to an end…
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Post by Maliku on Oct 9, 2006 14:39:29 GMT -5
*claps*
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Post by DEATH97 on Oct 10, 2006 3:07:48 GMT -5
Nice... much better than your first post. I enjoyed the story. If the spelling is corrected some in your final version it would be even better. The story felt alittle rushed. Not too much detail is put into some situations. It felt more like a summarized version of a great story, than the actual story itself. Honestly thats probably just because I enjoyed it so much and now its over Still don't let your age bother you, alot of young ins on here. and Your story is just as good as alot of the stories on here. And thats not an insult to them, its a credit for you. I hope you continue with more stories here, because I would enjoy reading them.
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Post by DEATH97 on Oct 10, 2006 3:08:59 GMT -5
Now hurry up and become a member so I can give ya some Karma!!
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Post by Dagothkitty on Oct 12, 2006 18:24:56 GMT -5
^ what he said!
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