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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 20, 2006 20:27:12 GMT -5
It's a work in progress. If it sucks tell me, and I'll work on it.
A man stood holding a Chain Saw. It's blade was easily three feet long. The gusty wind blew snow in the pound around his lightly clothed body. He revved up his Saw and looked about as if looking for his prey. He swayed slightly as the strong wind grew stronger. He suddenly turned and drove the slightly turning Blade into a Obsidian clad man's stomach. The Chain Saw growled as it started to spin the chains faster and faster. The Obsidian man's screams and squeals would have been heard if the windy plain hadn't been empty besides the two men. One dead, and the other dead as well. In a way. The loser bleed freely from his mouth and eyes as the victor looked scornfully at his prey.....
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Post by Dagothkitty on Dec 20, 2006 20:39:54 GMT -5
It looks promising. here is what i think though. You need to get a story or setting here going. So far, a guy has died from a chainsaw. Unless this is some prologuem then i think you need to get the story and setting and characters going. The story looks good though. I hope this helps.
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 20, 2006 22:48:20 GMT -5
It's a teaser. Not the story.
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Post by Inquisitor Loki on Dec 21, 2006 12:58:20 GMT -5
THe only thing that annoyed me was that you capatilized Chain Saw and what makes it worse it isn't capatilized later on, everything else is good..... oh and oh my god I actually commented
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 21, 2006 13:24:37 GMT -5
Fix'd.
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 21, 2006 17:42:33 GMT -5
I take that as an insult.
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Post by Inquisitor Loki on Dec 21, 2006 17:52:34 GMT -5
...I know he wasn't trying to be insulting but that post was badly worded considering you have been here a lot longer then him....
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 21, 2006 18:10:09 GMT -5
Fine I won't make anymore stories then ='( Your words hurt more then Grr's did.
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Post by me on Dec 21, 2006 18:28:09 GMT -5
NOOOOOOOO PLEASE STAY KARN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 21, 2006 18:51:57 GMT -5
?
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 21, 2006 19:44:41 GMT -5
Anyway. >_> No mods actually care. I'll be the worst damn reader I can be. Since that's my only setting.
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Post by Dagothkitty on Dec 21, 2006 22:36:13 GMT -5
Karn, if their posts actually did something to you that actually made you not want to write, then ignore it. For what its worth, i think your a good writer. But, don't expect for people's posts to be "that was the best story i ever read" kind of thing, you know what i meen?
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 21, 2006 22:39:24 GMT -5
Meh. LVD is going to blow anyway.
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 22, 2006 8:02:39 GMT -5
*Starts garotting Grrman* DIE!!
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Post by OGRenderence on Dec 22, 2006 17:17:41 GMT -5
I dunno I just need to choke someone.
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