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Post by Uesugi on May 22, 2007 22:14:50 GMT -5
It was a sign that he had grown soft during the short amount of time that life had allowed him to be happy. if it is long enough for him to be soft, it is long enough for his skill to decrease. Automatic fire from the XMO8s wielded by the marines I've always assumed they would be using much more private operatives?
I am curious: why didn't they have the whole house covered?
I am glad you are writing slightly longer updates. They suit you well.
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Post by me on May 22, 2007 23:29:40 GMT -5
Recon Marines, or people with high security clearances. That would have to be the case because one of the operatives/marines was with Ghost during the Blackest Night....story. And skill decrease and going soft are two diffrent things. Going soft can be accelerated by how your living in comparison to before. Skill decrease would be much slower, plus whos to say that it didn't decrease. The people he's going against now are much worse then the people he fought in Blackest Night. They had the enterances covered, and they thought they would be able to see him using something minor like a window with the massive gaurd in front, and the small watch/strike team in back. They never counted on a car going straight through the garage door, much less an empty one. Thanks. I will try to write longer more often
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Post by me on Jul 14, 2007 12:48:29 GMT -5
I won't be able to check for comments, but I should be getting internet on my computer later today....then I will finally be able to comment on all your guys' work
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Post by Uesugi on Jul 14, 2007 13:20:15 GMT -5
debilitating affects Effect *** Press enter twice. Works better than these.
Greg is becoming a Sue. Trained government operatives aren't thinking, are making mistakes, etc. I don't believe it, and I find it hard that you do.
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Post by me on Jul 14, 2007 16:44:31 GMT -5
And I am getting more time then I usually do this morning.
Yeah, sorry about the *** thing The other site I write at has the ability to create a horizontal line
And how exactly is he becoming a sue? Just want to avoid doing so in the future.
And you sorta got me on the government operatives part....
I have some reasons/excuses but not enough time to type them out.
So besides those corrections and mistakes how was it?
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Post by Uesugi on Jul 14, 2007 19:19:31 GMT -5
He is still in High School, correct? Even if he is a specially trained operative, he... He seems older than he is. He seems incredibly feared. Why didn't the guy in the office fight back? Greg's reputation precedes him, perhaps too much. If they know they are going to die, then why not kill themselves you know? Why not die fighting. Why not station guards anywhere where Greg can go? You're handing him opportunities, luck, and idiots. Why not show skill, and then have it be countered, etc. Also, more development. Aside from a few pieces of dialogue and a few thoughts, he doesn't seem to reflect on what he believes he has become. Too shallow.
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Post by DEATH97 on Jul 15, 2007 4:49:57 GMT -5
Damn I hate looong updates. I just rarely have time to read them, and I kid you not my a.d.d won't let me concentrate through more than one or two paragraphs at a time. Still I've managed to get caught up. Its a great story, although I am a bit confused. I'll have to re-read the Darkest Night to fill in the holes in my head.
I see Uesugi has become a great teacher, and is pushing you hard to turn this story into all that it could be. I personally enjoy this story on a differen't level. It reminds me of a fun action flick that isn't meant to take itself too seriously. The very concept of its origins is so out there that it overshadows any of the things Uesugi has mentioned thus far. A school, and deadly teen/assassins. Its all pretty ubsurd. Much like some of my favorite movies.
While I understand, and agree with most all of his points, it doesn't change the fact that at its core this story has a far fetched plot. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Nice job (Me) (b'.')b
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Post by me on Jul 15, 2007 4:52:47 GMT -5
Thanks...I think
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Post by DEATH97 on Jul 15, 2007 4:57:17 GMT -5
lol... after re-reading what I posted, I guess that doesn't look to complimentary. It is a great story, and I meant what I said as a compliment.
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Post by me on Jul 15, 2007 5:01:26 GMT -5
OK then Thanks....I think
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Post by Uesugi on Aug 6, 2007 17:44:53 GMT -5
Besides an empty lot filled with tall grass, situated in front of the house due to the special geometry of the cul-de-sac and a moving van next door; there was nothing out of the ordinary. Greg then looked back at the house. No semi-colon, and the special geometry thing seems rather unneeded an awkward. At least he looked somewhat well Somewhat is always an iffy word, and change well to something else. an over-large T-shirt. Over-sized “Just friends of mine,” he quickly responded. He quickly lowered his voice, and asked a question of his own, “Ghost, what are you doing here?”
He paused, and closed the door behind him. Phoenix had managed to obtain a normal life, and here he was, dragging him into the world of shadows. “I need a safe place. I’m not going to stay very long, but she needs a place to stay,” he said quietly. No reason for two line breaks here, methinks. So it had all been nothing more then a dream. What?
Interesting update, though hitting return twice is perhaps better than a horizontal rule. Not many errors, though, so that's good.
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