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Post by Khornate Marksman on Apr 9, 2007 0:50:17 GMT -5
This is pretty cool. Reminds me of the ship battles in Halo: The Fall of Reach. Good work Me.
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Post by me on Apr 9, 2007 1:07:42 GMT -5
Thank you
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Post by DEATH97 on Apr 9, 2007 1:09:39 GMT -5
awesome (Me) I'm really enjoying this story. I know that you said it only looks that large from certain angles, but... damn thats gotta be huge to even appear that big. Only three large artillery guns and no elite anti air guns, yet it is the most fearsome ship? Sounds flawed. Not readily equipping the most fearsome ship in the fleet sounds like the worst Idea since the venilation ducts in the Death Star, and we all know how that turned out. I hope they have good life insurance in the future. Seriously though its a great story so far.
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Post by me on Apr 9, 2007 1:10:56 GMT -5
It has three main cannons, and hundreds of smaller flack cannons to take care of fighters, and a few Phalanx turrets for....close encounters...
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Post by Uesugi on Apr 9, 2007 19:05:53 GMT -5
Nice update. However, as a rule of thumb, don't use the same descriptor twice within the same number of sentences. Specifically, "elongating" in the paragraph where they enter the jump hole.
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Post by me on Apr 9, 2007 20:39:21 GMT -5
OK I'll keep that in mind in my future updates
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Post by me on Apr 14, 2007 2:57:30 GMT -5
He surveyed the data flowing through the operation, or as it was called, the OPs center. The enemy fleet was advancing, and based on the electronic emissions he was getting, they had at least two intelligence ships with them. Turning he looked over the tac map, and saw that they were near the systems asteroids belt. The enemy fleet was approaching from the opposite side, but he should arrive before they did. In fact he would have enough time to set up an ambush.
"All ships this is Admiral Hawkes. Make best speed for the asteroid belt, my navigators will provide the coordinates," he yelled into the comm.
With a silent nod to his navigators they uploaded the multi digit code that represented a small amount of space just outside of the asteroid belt. The intelligence officers kept updating the estimates on enemy ship numbers and strengths. They had finally confirmed the number of enemy ships at thirty, not counting intelligence vessels.
The only thing he could do was wait for them to finally meet their enemies in battle, after all it was the intelligence officer's job to worry. After several minutes they occupied the space just outside of the asteroid belt, and he began ordering ships into position. After several minutes worth of maneuvering they had formed a loose screen on their side of the belt, corvettes holding a station just inside the asteroid belt.
He called the carriers under his command, after all his fleet group had the best carrier division in the northern fleet, and they were all the deadlier after upgrading to the new equipment. After he finished passing out orders he slumped into his command chair, he had nothing left to do except pray. ***
Lieutenant James Haydock was currently sitting in the cockpit of a T-S249 "Hydra" fast shock fighter. His feet were propped up on the console sitting in front of him, and his helmet rested next to him. Standing under the fuselage of his ship was a mechanic who was talking with the lieutenant.
"-It's not like I didn't want to see her, but as soon as we got back to space dock the frickin Admiralty locked us in those accelerated learning pods. There was no possible way for me to see her! And she acts like it was my fault!" he finished bitterly.
"I hear you man," the mechanic said, caressing the ring sitting on his finger. "They haven't let me see my wife since...well god knows when."
The alarm sounded causing all the pilots who had been sitting in their ships, to begin switching systems on, or saying goodbye to friends among the deck crew. He quickly snapped his helmet on, then checked the seals. After all his checks came back positive he looked back down at the mechanic who had affixed his own helmet.
Opening a private comm line he said, "Well looks like we finally get some action, maybe I wont come back. That aught to make the girl happy."
"Don't talk like that man. Stay frosty, come back, and make here even happier."
"Thanks," and with that he closed the line, and flipped a switch that caused the cockpit hood to seal him off from space. He could almost picture his ship in his minds eye. The ship looked like a flying blade with the cockpit on the edge. Two rotary energy cannons hung under the cockpit, and a single cannon stood above and behind the cockpit.
The ship's body got larger the further back on the body you went, leaving barely any room for two massive blocky engines that were concealed by the ships profile, leaving only the fiery exhaust exposed. He activated the magnetic systems attached to the bottom of the craft, and felt the elegant craft rise form the flight deck.
He gently goosed the throttle forward, being mindful of the ceiling that stood above him. Then after carefully finessing around several fighters that had yet to lift off, and checking to make sure that all personnel had retreated to a safe distance, slammed the throttle down ripping out of the flight bay.
Finally, something to do, and a way to release the growing tension.
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Post by Uesugi on Apr 14, 2007 3:10:30 GMT -5
Looks and sounds good. Decent length, well written, cohesive. When using a prefix like multi-, it does indeed get paired with the word (in this case, multidigit, or multi-digit). Otherwise, loved it.
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Post by me on Apr 14, 2007 14:00:17 GMT -5
Funny how they never cover the important things in school =_= instead we always review commas and periods!
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Post by Ilikepineapples on Apr 14, 2007 23:33:16 GMT -5
Wow. Good Job. I liked it
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Post by me on Apr 14, 2007 23:38:46 GMT -5
Thank you *Thats two comments*
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Post by Uesugi on Apr 15, 2007 0:33:40 GMT -5
Why is it that you can complain about comments (or lack there of), but when I do it, Dagoth calls me mopey, etc?
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Post by me on Apr 15, 2007 0:37:10 GMT -5
Because I'm prettier then you Actuallly its either because you have a history...or because you act much more seriously when you do complain
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Post by Uesugi on Apr 15, 2007 0:38:20 GMT -5
History?
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Post by me on Apr 15, 2007 0:40:36 GMT -5
Wasn't that one of the issues before our exodous?
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