|
Post by renofthefallenstar on May 30, 2007 18:04:59 GMT -5
Day: 13649 Hour: 34-51 Mission: Attack rebel sewer base. Note: I hate my job We are low on ammo and provisions. Squad Health: #15-20 Grarg is feeling an irritation in his lungs. Doc Brong thinks it's the damned fungus that grows in the sewers. Markus is out with an injured tendon in his ankle. The other 4 are dead. Freecks(Freaky), Joshua(Crusader), Block'ead(Thicks), and Javar(Katana Jana[It rhymes]). These men have asked to be buried with these nicknames on their headstones.
Send to Terrorbane Headquarters.
I'm just going to say that I'm going to be going into more detail on my characters from here on. The guys who are already dead are kinda not getting that in the story so I'll say it here. Freecks(Pronounced Freaks) - This information was taken from the KIA files. Sent by Squad Leader Danun.
"Freecks was the most energetic of the group.... always was. He was the optimistic one on the squad, and he always cheered up the others... Even me at times. His untimely death has left an unfillable hole in our squad. One that will never be filled again!" (Message was terminated just as Danun begins to cry)
Joshua(A Christian) - Spoken by Freecks. "Josh. Now dere was a soldier! He's gotta be da best I've eva seen in dis here squad o' men. Now I ain't braggin' or nuthin' but he's got it made where he's gone now. He'll be de man o' de hour dere! He sure did love his religion... alot. But that's the way Christians is ain't dey? Well I'm gonna wrap dis up so we alls can gets back ta work. My closing statement is (Message end. Reason: KIA.)
Block'ead(Named by Freecks) - No data on file.
Javar(Insane member of a failed Jihad.) As per request of Javar no Death quotes are on public file.
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on May 30, 2007 20:55:05 GMT -5
This has been updated. If you have USEFUL criticism please stat it here, or you can post flattering statements. Either way is good.
Questions will be answered.
|
|
|
Post by me on May 30, 2007 22:00:51 GMT -5
Interesting, thought yuo should write out numbers instead of using the number pad...
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on May 31, 2007 13:22:43 GMT -5
Interesting, thought yuo should write out numbers instead of using the number pad... "The other 4 are dead." If that was what you are talking about, then that was on purpose.
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on May 31, 2007 14:54:37 GMT -5
Try to explain the setting more in your first update. It's not as bad as other stories, but this was a little confusing.
|
|
|
Post by me on May 31, 2007 16:01:37 GMT -5
Its to make us shut up about him not updating =_=
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on May 31, 2007 20:04:45 GMT -5
This is a report to the Headquarters. Not the actual start to the STORY.
|
|
|
Post by me on May 31, 2007 21:15:31 GMT -5
I know...Dagoth knows now...
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on May 31, 2007 21:33:24 GMT -5
I was kinda hoping you'd all get it right away.
|
|
|
Post by DEATH97 on Jun 1, 2007 19:22:19 GMT -5
Looks good Bane. Not much to go on story wise, but its an interesting setup. I like the way you describe the characters as if in a report. I'd like to see that worked into the actual beginning of the story somehow though then just added as something to read before hand. Gives the story depth, and makes it more real. Nice job so far though.
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on Jun 1, 2007 20:27:13 GMT -5
Day: 13649 Hour: 39-51 Mission: Attack rebel sewer base. Battle Plans are as follows: Intel has shown that there are four entrances to the Rebel base. Mecha-5675 will guard the one that has been designated, "The Flush Hole." It's named for obvious reasons. Me, Bernard, Quebard, and Insectrove will go down the North passage. Bard, Jonathen, Cedrics, Morgan, and Chad will go down the west passage. Regalia, Fordmen, Jebia, Muhammad and Guss will go the East passage.
An insect scurried quickly towards a sharp scratching sound. It waggled it's feelers excitedly, almost hoping that the sound was a dieing creature, ripe for the eating. The scratching suddenly stopped. The insect scurried in a few circles hoping to find the sound again. After the fifth circle a knife point drove itself into the insect's body.
Bard looked at the end of his knife. The insect wriggled wildly, using the last of it's life trying to free itself. Bard smiled a smile only killer's could produce, his lips barely moving and his eyes staying icy. Bard was a killer, a kind of killer only Earth could produce, his hay colored hair and a swastika banner on his right and left arms showed where he had come from, and what time. Cedrics looked at Bard's obvious love for killing and felt sick. He hated Bard and all he stood for, and so did the rest of Bard's unit. "Start loading up boys." A voice whispered over the radios, obviously Danun's. bard and the rest loaded their rifles and got into their respectful positions.
A sudden explosion caught everyone off-guard. "What in the name of the Wolf is happening?!" Danun yelled his voice crackling with distortion. "Charge!" Bart and his unit charged down the path and around a corner to the front of the rebel base. They raised their weapons and fired at the rebels before they knew what was happening. The Rebels fired a few shots before retreating into the "Flush Tunnel." Bart threw his rifle down in disbelief as no gun shots were heard from the tunnel. "Son of a bitch!" He yelled as Danun ran over. "Sir, what happened? These bastards weren't supposed to get past that Mecha!"
Grarg looked down from the top of the Mecha as Danun and Bart paced impatiently below. "She's dead alright." He said as he hopped down. " I was afraid of that." Danun replied. Brong waddled his bulk over to the group by the destroyed mech and gave his report, "Guss was killed and Jebia had to be put down. Morgan is injured, and there are no other casualties." His mechanical voice echoed slightly as he finished. Danun glared at the ground for a few seconds before walking over to their new base of operations. He hated having to fake emotions for the dead.
KIA reports: Military access granted Guss(Whiner) - "The dumb sum-bitch got his head shot off today in the raid. I'm not looking forward to listening to his rich family blubber as I tell them how he "heroically" died in battle."
Jebia(Good fighter) - "Jebia is someone bad to lose. He knew how to fight and how to dodge a bullet. Sadly that idiot Guss had to die and let the bullet go straight thru his thick head. His bullet hit Jebia in the neck. He had to be put down so he wouldn't make so much damn noise. He'll be hard to replace...."
|
|
|
Post by me on Jun 1, 2007 20:31:35 GMT -5
The report style reminds me of a story I read...anyway. It should be Bernard, Quebard, and Insectrove and I, not Me, Bernard, Quebard, and Insectrove.
Ohh time travel seems to be involved...and new speakers new paragraphs.
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on Jun 1, 2007 20:33:14 GMT -5
Why do I try...?
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jun 1, 2007 20:49:12 GMT -5
It was good. It reminded me alot of ender's shadow actually were in the beginning and end of each chapter had a report. I enjoyed reading it this time travel business should prove interessting as it progresses. Hope to see more.
|
|
|
Post by renofthefallenstar on Jun 1, 2007 20:50:34 GMT -5
What ****ing time travel?
|
|