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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jul 3, 2007 8:57:38 GMT -5
Ok this is a new thing I've been working on for a while. As you may guess I'm trying to shell out a few intros first so then I'll let you guys decide which one you like the best. Then I'll write that one first. Prolog A boy sits alone in his room. He is seventeen and he is listening to music. Suddenly without any known reason the stereo’s volume continues to shift up and down relentlessly. Another boy is in his kitchen, this one is sixteen. At the moment he is trying to cook some lunch. He reaches over the water filled pan to turn the oven on when suddenly it starts to rapidly boil. A different boy of sixteen is walking down his stairs towards his kitchen. A thought of a old horror movie popped in his head. Images of giant aliens were running through his mind. Then suddenly he heard a blood curdling coming from the next room. He rushed towards and found his mother lying on the ground. She was about to black out but before she did she whispered one word. “Monster” The forth and final boy was eighteen and was watching TV alone in his house. Without notice he was waving his hand before his face. As he did so the lights turned on and off with each passing of the hand. These four seemingly normal teens were really quite special. For they were the first few of a new species of humans. Coincidently they were all friends and not one of them had ever expect that any one of them was different in any way.
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Post by Uesugi on Jul 3, 2007 20:08:52 GMT -5
A boy sits alone in his room. He is seventeen and he is listening to music. Show, don't tell. Another boy is in his kitchen, this one is sixteen. At the moment he is trying to cook some lunch. Show, don't tell. She was about to black out but before she did she whispered one word. End with a colon. The forth and final boy Fourth. These four seemingly normal teens were really quite special. For they were the first few of a new species of humans. Merge these with a semi-colon.
I don't know if you wanted us commenting/picking apart or not, but I truly couldn't resist... Forgive me. Nice start. Show, don't tell. Repeat that as many time as you need. Describe them in action. Otherwise, it is an interesting start... Can't wait to see what else you dish up.
And it is "Prologue".
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jul 3, 2007 22:44:54 GMT -5
Yeah thanks. I want as many comments and "picking aparts" as I can get. It helps me improve. And the damned word told me it was a correct spelling so I went with it. I've got a few more stories to start before I let people vote on them.
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Post by Uesugi on Jul 4, 2007 0:10:34 GMT -5
Hmm, nevermind me on that. Prolog is an alternate. Was just too used to the one way of spelling it.
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Post by GreyEidolon on Jul 5, 2007 18:52:58 GMT -5
Hmmm...of the two you have this one seems more interesting, but I'd elaborate more on everything. I understand that as an intro it won't have a lot of info, but I still feel like I don't know anything.
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jul 5, 2007 19:01:43 GMT -5
Well i like to start vague. I'm not sure if you've noticed that about me. And then slowly explain everything.
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jul 5, 2007 19:03:50 GMT -5
Oh and i'd like to point out how much i hate the title of this. But i needed something to start with.
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Post by Dagothkitty on Jul 5, 2007 21:11:43 GMT -5
Oh and i'd like to point out how much i hate the title of this. But i needed something to start with. >_> Yes, Yes, I read the story, didn't know what to say though, besides 'This looks interesting'.
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Post by me on Jul 14, 2007 18:56:01 GMT -5
All the grammatical mistakes I am willing to forgive....Plus Uesugi got them all
The problem I have is that it just jumps from one to the other...Saying heres a boy, and something happened
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Post by DEATH97 on Jul 15, 2007 3:47:22 GMT -5
Sounds interesting but doesn't get me caught up as much as the other intro's. I think its cause of the Twilight Zone approach, or feel it had. Interesting though.
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Post by BloodMoonWolf on Jul 15, 2007 13:52:44 GMT -5
Me that's kinda the point. Its like a comic. Like heroes basically. And its just to describe the main characters. And death twilight zone is the greatest duh lol.
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Post by me on Jul 15, 2007 14:38:21 GMT -5
I know, but you didn't give enough to make it worthwhile....That works fine for T.V. shows but when your using words it just doesn't work...
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Post by Dagothkitty on Jul 16, 2007 14:37:47 GMT -5
Maybe that's where they got the saying 'A Picture has 1000 words' or whatever it is.
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