etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Jul 30, 2007 20:31:58 GMT -5
This sun is setting and I do nothing. I mearly continue to sit here on the edge of my cliff, head in hand and knees over the edge watching it sink lower and lower. I do not even stir as I feel the chill of the autumn air seep into my bones.
Deep inside me I am screaming, fighting against my bounds with my life. But my eyes remain calm. They continue to remain still and masked, even when the rain starts to fall. Not even when my composure falters slightly and i tremble from this rain do I shift.
I do not flinch when the new moon breaks into my now nightime sky. I am not curious at what ways the beauty can hold for me. I do not startle at the way it illuminates my world. I do not wonder how it has changed things.
But I do move when I see the sun coming back up. I scramble to my feet, anticipation jumping through my veins. I feel my hopes rising and falling in time with the sea below.
The sun comes up, but it is not mine. I walk away, my eyes now blind to all else my world had to offer.
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Post by Uesugi on Jul 30, 2007 20:44:03 GMT -5
watchign it sink lower and lower Watching
Hmm... an interesting piece. More symbolic, perhaps, than story-driven... Like I said, interesting. I think if you used more figurative language, the symbolism could carry a bit further... I'm interested to see what else you'll post.
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Jul 30, 2007 20:47:46 GMT -5
thank you, yes it is more symbolic then story driven
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Post by me on Jul 30, 2007 21:51:09 GMT -5
Once again capitalize the I's. Other wise a very good story... can't help but get the feeling that they are interconnected though =_=
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