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Post by alexiel on Jul 24, 2007 20:21:55 GMT -5
i wrote this a while back, sorry if it sucks but whatever...
Oh god I cant stop Its in my head The voice in my head It tells me so Tells me to do it No one will ever know Who knows you better than me I dont understand You take over and I let you You go away I am confused Pretend I know whats happening Nod along with the conversation Pretend I know whats true Back to reality Its all the same It takes over The voice in my head Tells me I'll deal with them for you Dont worry Wake up next morning With one less friend Reach under the pillow I pull out a knife Long and sharp Stained with blood But it wasnt me It was the voice in my head I tell the truth but no one beleives me The voice in my head tells me because they hate me I wake up next morning With the bloody knife again Figure one less person I'll see today I sigh as the voice in my head takes over again
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Post by Uesugi on Jul 24, 2007 21:06:39 GMT -5
Very nice. I would suggest you capitalize a few of your i's, and add an apostrophe where it is appropriate, but still a very engaging poem.
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Post by lanaia74 on Jul 26, 2007 4:51:45 GMT -5
WOW! Mouth wide open! Speechless!
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Post by me on Jul 28, 2007 19:05:36 GMT -5
WOW! AWESOME!
OK, now that I got that out of my system.
This is a very dark poem, and it also tells a story. As a poem it is spot on, and a wonderful addition to the OSWG poem board, but the story it tried to tell is a little confusing at the beginning.
Now I seriously hope that this story isn't true, if it is I guess I go back to sitting at the door with a shot gun.
A nice dark little ending, so just fix the I's and its great.
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Post by alexiel on Aug 1, 2007 17:56:33 GMT -5
Thanks! That really means a lot! Oh and I'll fix the I's.
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Post by me on Aug 2, 2007 22:32:08 GMT -5
Thanks Show your thanks by continuing your visits, we could use another poem writer.
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