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Post by alexiel on Aug 5, 2007 21:54:47 GMT -5
This one still needs work....
I can't stand it anymore Can't live with this everyday Going and going but never stopping Don't understand why But knows there is a reason why I hope to understand it one day But I fear that day will never come Never understanding why you do things I can't stand it anymore How dare you do this to me I try to be nice, try to forget But then I remember everything And then everything is a strange loud whirlwind of voices Ends in a door slam, quiet at last Have to get away from it Leave you alone so you could talk About me behind me back And I'm with peace and quiet At last
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Post by me on Aug 5, 2007 22:05:11 GMT -5
Its not as good as your other, but good none the less. Some flow issues that acan be solved, but thats about it.
Once again, nice job.
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Post by Uesugi on Aug 6, 2007 1:48:55 GMT -5
Hmm, yeah, there are definitely a few areas were some things could be added/cut-out/changed to make it read a bit better, but it is otherwise nice... There's also a bit of emotion in this, which makes it better. Good work.
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Post by lanaia74 on Aug 29, 2007 2:12:48 GMT -5
I think you portrayed quite a bit of talent here! VERY well done!
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Post by alexiel on Sept 7, 2007 22:11:23 GMT -5
Thank you!
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