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Post by Dagothkitty on Apr 14, 2007 12:37:42 GMT -5
I thought it was good, and well written. Their is a run on sentence though, the very first sentence. Try to break it up a little, and use periods more instead of commas there.
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Post by Uesugi on Apr 14, 2007 13:51:59 GMT -5
Capitalize names, mistery=mystery, new paragraphs after someone is finished speaking, allready=already, few other things I may've missed. The story makes me curious enough. Very interesting so far. You have a lot of trouble with grammatical things though. Names and titles need to be capitalized, as do the beginning of sentences. Otherwise, I liked it. Very natural flow to it. Good work so far.
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Post by me on Apr 14, 2007 14:07:23 GMT -5
Near the top you were talking about how everyone would be dead before they came to his feet. That should be their.
Otherwise very good. I'm guessing this is taking place in medival times?
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Post by me on Apr 14, 2007 14:18:00 GMT -5
We will This does seem interesting!
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Post by Uesugi on Apr 15, 2007 14:24:23 GMT -5
Fairly good. Some advice: if your spelling and grammar checker isn't working proofread it on your own. Simon wasn't capitalized in the second paragraph.
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Post by me on Apr 15, 2007 14:58:04 GMT -5
or the first
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Post by me on Apr 15, 2007 15:21:53 GMT -5
Its good, so we need to find things to gripe about =_=
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