|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 24, 2006 16:45:48 GMT -5
Walking down the path, he could feel its wrath the sky turned red over head, his horses hooves hit the ground, sounding like thunder, turning it a sunder. Strange humming, for he knew the coming. Odd world creatures, hurled in their trance, Waiting, watching. Evil, as their plane and its master, all the same. Orange and red, all that filled his head, then run, fool! Run, while you still can! But no one, can escape, the masters, ultimate plan. ____________________________________________________
This is what i got so far, more will definitley needed to be added, but its a start, Like it?
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 24, 2006 17:17:46 GMT -5
What do you guys think?
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Sept 24, 2006 20:44:33 GMT -5
I my self am not much on peotry but I hope you can take critcism well I feel the flow is off. Of coarse as I said I'm not much on poetry and have never like the rhyming poems myself. I'm more into the ones that are like a story or and epic you know. but thats just me and I wouldn't take my comments too seriously.
|
|
|
Post by DEATH97 on Sept 25, 2006 11:34:43 GMT -5
Practice makes perfect. good start though, keep bringing them.
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 25, 2006 14:38:39 GMT -5
Good, thanks for the honesty. Rather someone tell the truth
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 25, 2006 15:39:05 GMT -5
What would you guys suggest though?
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Sept 25, 2006 15:53:37 GMT -5
hmm if you can fix the flow it would be good. You seem almost to be rushing it if you know what I mean. like with all the rhymes I personally feel it takes away from the poem itself if that makes sense.
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 25, 2006 16:06:13 GMT -5
So your suggesting i shouldn't rhyme?
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Sept 25, 2006 18:24:45 GMT -5
no what I'm saying is you put too many rhymes in. at least in my opinion. Rhymes are good but too many can brake the flow of the poem.
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 25, 2006 18:29:42 GMT -5
So, be descriptive, but with not much ryming, cause that can ruin the flow. Gotcha.
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Sept 25, 2006 18:30:24 GMT -5
yea exactly hope I helped.
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 25, 2006 18:31:09 GMT -5
sure did! Ill post a revised one later. Maybe tonite.
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Sept 25, 2006 18:31:33 GMT -5
awsome I look forward to reading it.
|
|
|
Post by Dagothkitty on Sept 25, 2006 18:31:43 GMT -5
oh, and im gonna try to promote you:)
|
|
|
Post by BloodMoonWolf on Sept 25, 2006 18:48:10 GMT -5
yay. That is if you want. but still yay. XD
|
|