Serge
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Posts: 24
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Post by Serge on Nov 23, 2006 4:16:00 GMT -5
Serge, a slightly tall and surprisingly browned skin looking Breton, was looking through the bars leading to the exit of the sewer. After everything he had been through today he wasn't quite sure if he actually wanted to go back out into the world that had once banished him. He was a lot weaker then he was when he first had got into prison. Now even the sewer could kill him if they had tried hard enough. He carefully considered the thought of actually going back to his prison cell and also putting up with that dreadful dark elf, Serge then look down to his right hand at the staff with a goblins head stuck on the top of it and carefully started to swirl the pointed tip of the bottom of the shaft in the dirt mindlessly. He then mentally thought of the emperor who was once standing in front of him and now was dead in a pool of blood because he could not kill the attacker, even though he said his death was known to him.
At this moment Serge decided that it was time to leave prison and enter the life that had once shunned him and thrown him into prison. With the simply red robes that he had token off of one of the "Mythic Dawn" that had attacked the emperor and his blades he pushed open the bars. The metal bars creaked as they slowly moved to allow Serge entrance to the outside world that he had missed so much while he was in prison. It seemed to be around twelve o clock because of the sun's position. Serge's nose filled with smells that he had not experienced in the longest time, he smelled plants and clean river water but he also smelled something else.
It turned out to be only how bad he smelled, he had been in prison for longer than he could remember and in the imperial prison you never got a real bath unless you wanted to use your drinking water for the whole day and even then the water was not clean. The guards made sure of it. They would spit, put mud, and poisonous alchemy ingredients into it just so you would be in pain. Serge quickly ran toward the stream in front of him and quickly started to take off the blood red colored cloths he had on, he was going to bath for the first time in a while and after he token his cloths off he quickly jumped in.
Meh, I'm getting a bit sleepy. can we saw Slaguterfished pawned?
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Post by uesugi on Nov 23, 2006 13:45:39 GMT -5
Looks good so far. Can't wait for more.
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Serge
Inactive Member
Posts: 24
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Post by Serge on Nov 23, 2006 16:00:32 GMT -5
As the water touched the breton's skin he suddenly felt a tantalizing sting that he had not remembered in the longest time. Serge could literally see the dirt that had been grounded into his skin by days and days of staying in the decaying cell come off of his skin and forming into a dirty brown cloud of water. He quickly moved from that patch of water and then started thrashing himself through the water to make sure he had got all the dirt out, he looked like a crocodile trying to kill it's prey and it was obviously working by the fact that there was a trail of dirt following him from the patch to where he was currently at. After he figured that most of the dirt on him was in the water he slowly backstroked cowards shore as he started to think about what he used to be, or at least what he thought he used to be. He was an particularly strong magister that had almost the same might and skill as the arch-mage that pre-sided over the mage's guild.
He had thought that the mage's guild was just a ploy so that the empire could have all the strongest mage's in one spot just in case thing went awry and the mage's started to revolt against another guild, or maybe the empire itself. This impression did not last on him, he soon started to feel secluded because there was no one to talk to, this is where his memory started to grow dim, he knew he joined the fighters guild. He did not go on any mission however because his blade skills at the time was so very low but with days and days of practice he was fit to go up against anyone. Then someone offered him something, he would be able to learn about magic just like in the mage's guild but this magic was...twisted, it relied on something deadly. Then it all went black and serge phased back into reality.
The water was silently still with only one abruption. He didn't know what it was but he could easily tell it was coming toward him in slow anticipation of him to suddenly jerk in any direction. Serge slowly started to move toward the shore, the creature speed-ed up. He quickly turned off of his back and started a full swim, trying his hardest to get to the shore before he was attacked. his feet started to touch the soft compacted dirt and sprinted out of the water, unfortunately the slaughter-fish had hit him in the ankle and caused him to fall into the grass.
He screamed in pain as the blood started pouring out of his ankle uncontrollably. As the pain subsided he sighed, it was so pathetic that he was attack by a slaughter-fish and was nearly token down by it. He then turned over to look in the sky but instead he saw a tower. "The Imperial city..." he said as his hand quickly went into the air and a bright blue light emitted from his hand. The wound on his ankle started to sew itself up and then he put on his cloths and checked his equipment.
He had an Iron Longsword which was in decent shape, The goblin stave, short sword, knife, and the mystic dawn robes. The rest of his equipment was going to be sold which is worth about 200 gold. He then started walking toward the imperial city for two reason, he wanted to sell his extra equipment and see if anyone knew him or at least had some documentation of his past.
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Post by me on Nov 23, 2006 16:10:04 GMT -5
well its still good, but caught some minor misstakes
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Serge
Inactive Member
Posts: 24
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Post by Serge on Nov 23, 2006 16:29:53 GMT -5
Please tell me where the mistakes are, I would like to know so i can make my next stories better.
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Post by me on Nov 23, 2006 21:21:49 GMT -5
well you said coward instead of toward...presided is one word...I think...wait yes it isyou have to scroll around on the spell checker...it doesnt always get the right word
um later when you say mage's there shouldn't be an apostraphe...an apostraphe is for possesion...with just an s it means number.
some others were mostly word choices that seemed akward to me....such as The water was silently still with only one abruption disruption would work better. and speeded-up umm..I'm not sure if thats a good word to use...and accelerated would work better....
I still liked it though...
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Post by me on Nov 23, 2006 21:22:50 GMT -5
oh yes and when you said the slaughter fish had hit...this is more me being anal retentive but methinks bit because slaughterfish attack by biting
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Serge
Inactive Member
Posts: 24
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Post by Serge on Nov 23, 2006 21:25:49 GMT -5
ok, next time I will be sure to watch out for those things!
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Post by me on Nov 23, 2006 21:26:55 GMT -5
its OK they always find a way to slip through...why I was reading a mass published book by a well respected author and I was going WTF THAT SHOULD BE A COMMA
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Post by uesugi on Nov 24, 2006 2:53:09 GMT -5
Another interesting read. Me pretty much covered all the mistakes, so I have nothing else to say other than to continue with the interesting tale.. I don't think anyone has covered anything resembling the main quest either, so this'll truly make for an interesting read.
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Post by DEATH97 on Nov 24, 2006 10:53:10 GMT -5
Nice story so far, just give me more and I'll be happy.
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Serge
Inactive Member
Posts: 24
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Post by Serge on Nov 24, 2006 17:32:46 GMT -5
Serge did not want to enter the Imperial City from the Talos district which was unfourtanetly where the front door of the Imperial City led to. The only other way to get into the Imperial City is to climb a small cliff and jump on to the bridge that connected the imperial prison to the Market district and that is exactly what Serge did, he climbed the cliff and jump onto the bridge. As his feet touched the stone of the bridge the guard that was near the Market district door gave him a earnest look as if he already knew he was preparing to do damage to the grand Imperial City. Serge knew he wasn't going to do anything in the Imperial City that would draw a lot of atention because that was not the thing he wanted right now. The breton slowly began to walk toward the Market district but he stopped once he noticed the guard's dominant hand going toward his sword.
The breton's right hand retracted inside his robe. He knew if the guard saw the Knife he was holding in his hand he would surely attack him on the spot and most likely kill him, but if the guard attacked him anyway without seeing the knife he wanted to at least know he had some type of defense. Once he got closer he noticed that the Imperial soldier was actually not one at all, he just assumed it because of the chain mail he was wearing. He was in prison for a while and everything was probably different from what he remember before. With his left hand he simply, but emotionlessly, waved at the high elf that stood before him and he simply grimaced back.
Since Serge was sure he would never see him again he did not go out of his way to remember what the elf looked like. The black haired breton reached the door and put both of his on the door and pushed it open.
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Serge
Inactive Member
Posts: 24
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Post by Serge on Nov 24, 2006 17:33:15 GMT -5
It's short I know, but i'm going to be needing visual reference for the next fan fic post.
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Post by me on Nov 24, 2006 17:38:33 GMT -5
interesting
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Post by fallingfar on Nov 24, 2006 17:42:36 GMT -5
I'm anticipating the next part. Post haste.
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