etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 2, 2007 20:01:06 GMT -5
*gasp* emomaniac, your signature! my best friend uses the same one!!
oh. ha ah, it was you tyler
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Post by me on Aug 2, 2007 22:23:56 GMT -5
Write out numbers below 100 So instead of 10, ten. As she rememberd she left her shoes at home, and scolded herself for not brigning a jacket since she was out here in nothing but a T-shirt and jeansThat last part sounds sort of awkward. Still to deliriously happy from giving my buddy a welt with a sniper rifle to think of a way to change it. Oh and its remembered, and its bringing....remember the spell checker Turning Kara towards her, Amber's face grew stern, her auburn eyebrows arching and bringing out her green eyes ever more dramatical.Dramatically. Not dramatical. Toward...not towards Can't see much else.... Meh... Sorry for missing the updates though....but I couldn't give up the chance to shoot my friend...or get shot by my friends custom P-90... In case you are wondering..yes it was airsoft.....heh...Caught a bb in my teeth =_= And this be Tyler? No hard feelings man, sorry about what I said. Nice siggy by the way....and Avatar...been trying to find a working version of that for a while...
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 2, 2007 22:39:00 GMT -5
WHAT DID I TELL YOU!!!!! that is not ripping it apart! there has to be more mistakes then just that!!
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Post by me on Aug 2, 2007 22:41:46 GMT -5
Not really...Still to deliriously happy to be of much help..SORRY!
*Hides behind a rock*
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 2, 2007 23:01:40 GMT -5
*jumps behind said rock and beats* oh im sorry! *hugs, then hits again*
how can there nto be more tehn that?
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Post by me on Aug 2, 2007 23:05:33 GMT -5
Ow! *Cringes*
OK well...if she was really attacked by claws then there would be blood...much blood... especially with deep puncture wounds,,,
Plus the neck isn't a goood place to be attacked at....a nice collection of blood vessels spine and wind pipe...So the puncture wounds should be on the back of her shoulders...
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
|
Post by etherealshadow on Aug 2, 2007 23:11:29 GMT -5
ah, much better. mkay, ill go back and fit it then. and actually, she woudl be able to escape better had it been shoudler
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Post by me on Aug 2, 2007 23:12:42 GMT -5
That to...plus its eaily hidden by clothes...
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 3, 2007 1:21:58 GMT -5
Had history always been so boring?
Head in hand, she struggled to keep her eyes open. She'd only been in class five minutes and already her attention span had left her. What with the past events, she suddenly didn't care enough to listen to someone prattle on for two hours.
With seeminly nothing better to do, she began to list everything she could about what happend. It wasn't likely, but if she could wrap her head around it...
Wings, claws, eyes. Claws, eyes, wings. Eyes, wings, claws...
No matter how many times she repeated it, it wouldn't make sense. What had changed within the last night that could cause this to happen? And why was she involved somehow? Granted, somehow or another strange things seemed to revolve around her, but nothing like this.
Turning slighly to look out the window, her attention continued to wander past her control.
The autumn leaves gave the trees a painting like feel, what with the sun seeming to hit them in just the right spot. It was rather beautiful to look at, even with-
And finnaly she causght sight of it. A dark figure behind one of the trees. If she hadn't known better, she would assume he was just a passerby or some doting relative.
"Everything alright, Kara?"
"Wha- oh," she smilled "Yes, Mrs. Barkum."
"Try not to let your attention wander too far now."
She smilled again and assured her she woudln't. All through class, every chance she could, she glanced back at the figure under the trees. He never ssemed to stir, not a muscle seemed to move. So much so in fact, she wonderd if she was imagining him.
The bell rang, startling her involuntarrilly.
You would think I'd be used to that bell by now.
Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, she took another fleeting glance at the figure who still ceased to move, and hurrieed to her next class.
The hours until lunch were a mix of looking at the clock and pretending to pay attention. Before the right bell finnaly rang, she was nearly screaming with impatience. Finnaly though, she wa able to leave the monotony of classes for a while and retreat to the company of friends.
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 3, 2007 1:22:42 GMT -5
sorry it's so short, am kinda blocked for some odd reason
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Post by Uesugi on Aug 3, 2007 1:29:29 GMT -5
interesting, though it wasn't likely, she tilted her head to the left slightly. Get rid of "though it wasn't likely", and instead say "she doubtfully tilted her head..." practiclly a forest lining the edges of the school. practically... though you may want to get rid of that. They were dense, and heavilly No comma after dense, and it is "heavily". were scatterd in between them. Scattered green though, kinda like- Avoid "kinda" outside of dialogue. She palled. You might want to consider changing palled... or consider adding some more to the sentence... though maybe not. Nice update, if short. It may have been quick, but I know how writer's block can be, so just relax, meditate, or struggle through it. Hopefully it'll pass.
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 3, 2007 2:06:44 GMT -5
yes, it should. It's this part... I cant get the feel right
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Post by Uesugi on Aug 3, 2007 2:13:37 GMT -5
Oh? Hmm, does it seem like your writing is perhaps too thick or blocky? Or that you just can't phrase things correctly?
Well, maybe you should write something else... Maybe if you devote your energy to a different story or scene, you'll figure out what you want done here?
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etherealshadow
Rookie
the impossible is often whats never been tried
Posts: 75
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Post by etherealshadow on Aug 3, 2007 2:32:35 GMT -5
it seems.. slightly empty to me. devoid of most of the emotion i like to sink into my stories.
maybe i will. ill just start writing, see what happens.
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Post by me on Aug 3, 2007 4:56:14 GMT -5
That may be because you are working on something much longer then your usual stories
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